"pictures of lily make my life so wonderful"

Pornography has existed both as a positive and a negative in my life.
There have been times where pornography has awaken me from
a long sexual sleep, and other times when it has harmed me in such a way
that it has disconnected me from my sexuality.

It has saved some of my relationships, such as long distance ones that tend to suffer
from an inherent sexual frustration. In this case watching pornography gave me the strength
to remain faithful. On the other hand, when I was young and just getting into porn,
I lost some relationships because of my sheer eagerness to masturbate to pornography.
this often left me "empty" and unable, costing me some early sexual experience.

It is hard for me to envision a world without pornography, though I can clearly see
that it is not always a good occurrence in our civilization. it can objectify the sexes
and destroy our sense of sexual reality through its tendency towards sensationalism.
This being said, I relate to The Who lyric "pictures of lily make my life so wonderful".
these images can help me sleep, help me wake up, all the while playing upon
my sense of sexual guilt.

pornography is not wholly a positive or a negative phenomena in civilization.
It is both at different times. It calls upon us to exercise a certain amount of
moderation but then again what doesn't.
-Mat

Why don't I want to masturbate more?

Though I do masturbate once in a while, mostly when I'm high and alone, I much prefer when my boyfriend pleasures me. Perhaps it's because I don't own a dildo or such helpful tools, but that may not be a very good excuse. Perhaps it's because I haven't been single in a long time and thus haven't felt the urge to fulfill myself in that area. But is that relevant? Masturbating isn't just for singles is it? It's obvious I feel some sort of guilt in this area of my sexuality, but I only really feel it when my girlfriends bring it up or when my boyfriend wants to watch me masturbate. Otherwise, if it was just for my own sake, I don't think it would bother me at all.
That makes me wonder what exactly makes us masturbate? Our sexual drive is the obvious answer, but what about our culture? Does that have anything to do with it? I've never had very sexually extroverted girlfriends with whom to talk to about this, could that effect my need to masturbate and watch porn?
Well, regardless of the importance of masturbation and porn in my life, I think there's definitely a need for alternate sexual information and entertainment because what's out there right now on the mainstream market is simply degrading and unappealing to me, and probably many others. If it can become more human, I think people like me will reconnect with their sexuality in a more natural way.

- anonymous

So let's get the ball rollin

Sophie L. here (moderator) with our first entry.

First off, let me start off by stating a few basic ideas about Fuck me baby, fuck my brains in.

We come here, on this blog, to share opinions, thoughts, experiences, feelings, etc. , expressing ourselves freely and openly about different subjects that reach our inners. Perhaps we are searching for acknowledgement or comfort in knowing we are not the only ones, or maybe we are simply curious and seek shocking content that will make us reconsider the way we live our lives, but know that we are all the same in the end. That we all come from different backgrounds which in a strange way molded the people we are today, and that there is no use in judging or fearing things we can't understand because it shuts us from a whole whack of crazy & beautiful things that can help us embrace clarity.

So, with this said, let me share with you where the idea for this blog sprung from (I thought it might be an appropriate starting message!)

I've been with my current boyfriend for a little less than a year now (minus the two months we broke up in the Fall) and our sex life has been quite adventurous and loving. Though I was a virgin when I met him (at the age of 25 might I add), I was far from being shut from my own sexuality. I had my first orgasm when I was fourteen but had been masturbating for many years before, sometimes spending whole afternoons in my bedroom trying on my mom's sexy lingerie and pretending I was having sex with my pillow & my doll (I felt so guilty using her for this purpose, she had been my daughter all through my childhood and now she was my slut). Going back even further, if I remember well, I was about six when I was first exposed to erotic content. I was being babysat at my friend's house and we had all stayed up to watch Bleu nuit, the famous TQS late night show that screens erotic to soft porn movies. This is a vivid memory, first off because of the strong sensation I was overwhelmed with - this strangely familiar warmth in my loins, and secondly, because I was with others, who were most definitely experiencing the same sensation I was. I was hooked to that feeling from then on, and tried to relive it as much as I could. I had a few girlfriends I would secretly have pretend sex with, until I got too old for that kind of 'childplay'. I then seeked anything slightly erotic, stealing my brother's cutouts from the bra section in the Sears catalog ( it mostly aroused me because it turned on my brother and had a secret shameful connotation attached to it) or the sex ed book my mom had bought us which contained about five different sex positions. When the Internet entered our house in 1998, everything kind of got out of hand. Each time I had the chance to (which was like never because my big brother would hog the late night computer hours) I would browse for what seemed like hours to find pics and short porn clips I could masturbate to. With the increase of content and videos available on the Internet came an acute curiosity to find the wackiest stuff that would turn me on, somewhat shaping my ideas of sexual pleasure, all while exercising my own sexuality. When I moved out I was too poor to have the Internet, which was a very good thing. I eventually made a bit more money, and decided to buy an Internet connection just this November. My only roommate was gone most of the time, so you can image how unproductive I was with my free time. But what worried even more than my 'slight' porn addiction, was the fact that I was having a harder and harder time cuming with my actual lover. This was absurd and quite scary for me, I mean, don't we watch porn in the hopes of eventually acting out what we are watching on our screen? How come, during sex, I was imagining that ugly older guy in the clip I had watched that afternoon instead of enjoying the presence of the man I love so much and that pleasures me so well? I would then turn off my thinking cells and tell myself I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but this still didn't work and I just wasn't able to attain my orgasm (which is so very irritating - cuming is somewhat easyish for me, I'm a professional masturbator! - which I think is part of the problem). Anyhow, I decided to stay off porn for a while, just to see if things would feel more natural with my boyfriend. And they did. So know my rule is: I can watch porn, but I can only masturbate in my room a.k.a. NOT in front of my computer. My imagination is thanking me.

Basically, porn, FOR ME, is a great tool to initate my flaming desires to fuck, but what I find important is to grasp how special reality is, not to underestimate the effort I invested into getting where we I am today - in love, and really happy. I must fight off the old habits I got comfortable doing and be patient - yes, maybe I can't fuck RIGHT NOW, but I'll most likely fuck tonight.