Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Issue three

During the months of May and June, we will be talking about the issue of cheating. Many people have expressed interest about this issue and so now is the time to argue about it. We all have different standards and backgrounds, and the idea of fidelity varies greatly from one person to the other. What makes this such a delicate topic is that it is very tightly knit to our values and our ethical ideals. The idea here is not to debate whether one point if vue is better than the other, what we want here is to learn how & why others see fidelity through a different perspective.

So with this said, I ask you today, considering your standards & experience, how would you define cheating on your lover?

Friday, May 1, 2009

careful what you wish for

oh dear
The things we think about, and the things we wish for, secretely fantasies about, they strangely build our lives. I had this fantasy gone weird like experience happen to me the other night, and it brought out this awesome womanness in me that I only play out in my imaginary scenarios. Goes like this

I was on the metro last Monday, going back home after spending the whole day in the sun, with friends, smoking joints and just forgetting about reality. I was feeling profoundly relaxed, open and tired, not really thinking about anything in particular. I walk up to the metro exit and as I'm walking out the door this young guy stops me asks me if I had 2 minutes to give him. I look at him, thinking he's gonna ask for change or go on about the meaning of life, and feeling chilled out as I was I say, 'ya sure'. He looked to me to be around 20, about my size with darkish skin (he later told me was Pakistani). He then says how he followed me out of the metro cuz he thought I was beautiful. I look at him in great suprise and with a smile I say, 'wow thanks'. He then asks me if I want to go for coffee with him, and I answer that I'm exhausted and just want to go home. 'Ok then, can I walk with you a bit?' he says. I didn't really take him seriously, but he looked pretty harmless and I was feeling open to anything, so I just went along with it. As we were walking I told him that he did a courageous thing, that many people think of doing such a thing but never act on it.

We walked a wee bit, said meaningless things about our lives and when I got to the corner of my street I said that we shoud part ways. I wasn't feeling a vibe at all. He then started reaching to hold my hand, so I told him 'What the fuck, I don't even know you dude, we met like 2 minutes ago, things don't work like that in real life.'
That's when things got, hum, kinda funny. He started acting all needy & desperate, saying inappropriate things like, 'awe, your lips, I want to touch them, I hope I kiss them soon'. Here are other weird & super inappropriate things he said to me:
- When is your birthday, I want to buy you an expensive gift.
- I have to see you again, I think I love you.
- You're not wearing a bra, are you?

RAMDOM, and quite fucked. I started treating him like a 5 year old, calling him on the stupid things he was saying and making him apologize for being so inappropriate. I kept telling him that we were in real life and that he's never gonna find a girl if he's such needy asshole. He was getting more & more agressive about his attraction for me, and I was getting tired and annoyed by him, so I made it obvious that he was never gonna be with me and that he had shit to work on.
All this time we were walking around in my neighborhood, and so I told him I would walk him to the end of my street so we could part ways, prepping him mentally for our separation (knowing it was gonna be a pathetically difficult and tedious task for me). So we get to the corner and he starts repeating, 'give me 2 more minutes, 2 more minutes'. I said 'no, no, no'. Then...he fucken grabbed my wrist, tight. I asked him in a comical and nonchalent tone to take his hand the fuck off my wrist. He refused, I then got mad and he let go. I said that what he had done was unacceptable and that he had to leave NOW. He stays there, looking at me like a sad puppy. So I just left and started walking towards my house. I turn around to make sure he's on his way, but he's still at the corner. I then look again later and notice that he's following me. The little fuck was following me! I then go on a rage and start saying loudly 'I can't believe you're following me!', over and over. I demand him to stop and turn around, holding my arm in the air and pointing towards the direction of the metro. He then lowered his head, and started dragging his feet opposite my direction. He kept turning around, and I would stomp my foot and point aggressively towards the metro. I waited till he was out of sight and went home.


I look back now and think to myself that I behaved in a naive manner, that things could of turned quite bad. People I tell this story to also tell me the same thing, how lucky I was nothing happened to me. But really, things didn't get ugly. That when I transport back to the event, I did indeed have 'control' over the situation and I am even proud of my reaction and my behavior and refuse to see this as a naive experience. I knew what I was doing, I knew the risks, and I refused to be afraid. Just because I'm a girl, doesn't mean that I automatically loose all my capabilities to handle potentially dangerous situation, or become defenseless. The power of self-respect and self-awareness can be sensed in any case scenario, whether you're a man or a woman. So I wonder today, in the grand scheme of things, especially as women, what excatly is making us afraid of the opposite sex, or even against it? Is it their socially & historically accepted behavior or just our own fear of not being able to handle them, or of not being honest with them?

Sophie L.