Issue 5

Hey peps

The blog has been dormant for many months, but only because my life was crazy! (you'll hear about it soon in the blog)

Let's start things off again with a bit of horseplay.

This issue, the theme is loosely around the subject of 'weird sex experiences'. What is the strangest, most awkard or funny or freaky sexual experience you've had so far. It can be anything, a masturbating story, an injury, being caught! etc.

Even if you don't submit, you should think about it, cuz we tend to forget shit like that too quickly and it can be quite entertaining to remember.

As usual, send entries at justrideyourbike@hotmail.com. An anonymous e-mail account will be set up soon (a collective account from which you will be able to send your entry from)

Hope you are all doing well and striving towards a healthy sex esteem!

High five
Sophie!

sexuality forums

Here is the french link to the doctissimo sexuality forum, name the subject and someone has posted something about it, even stuff you had never imagined - the Fantasmes category is worth a look. Most people post questions and concerns relating to fanstasies or habits they have, alone or with their partner. Blogs like this boom with posts, mainly because people have no other means of getting answers to their weird perverted questions.

http://forum.doctissimo.fr/doctissimo/liste_categorie.htm

Here is another interesting link related to the subject of our current issue - where comes the shame from sex.

http://sexuality.about.com/od/communication/a/barriersex_talk.htm

no big mystery

I think sexuality is slightly overrated. It's one of the last human issues that is still private and personal, and it should stay that way. Not everything is meant to be squeezed out of its shell. We just need to excercize it in a healthy way. It's when we get too preoccupied or negligent with sex that it becomes negative.

It's no big mystery, it's just another part of being human.

-anonymous

Issue four

I am still convinced that to this day, as a society, we do not focus enough energy in understanding sexuality & sex. And I'm not talking here about having sexual content out into the open, like using it to sell ripped up jeans or overpriced perfume. I'm talking about putting our fears and questions about sexuality out there where people can hear them. To me, sexuality is the root of so many personal issues, issues that influence our social behavior and relationships. Right from the start, as pre-teens, when our bodies are fucking with our brains, no one really gives us any direction, any pointers as to why we relate to our bodies in a whole different language. A language that relates the physical to the mental, which basically translates into sexuality.
I still don't understand why that part of our brain should still be kept under silence, eaten by shame. After all these years, why are we shutting ourselve from such potential clarity? It puzzles my mind.

So my question for Issue four goes like this:

When sex comes up in a conversation, or when you are asked to talk about sexual issues with your doctor let's say, are you inclined to be open and honest, or do you feel a pinch of shyness? Can you explain why you feel that way?
Does understanding your personal sexual patterns preoccupy your thoughts? Why? And finally, have you ever thought that your personal sexual patterns had an impact on the way you lived your life in general?



Send your entry at justrideyourbike@hotmail.com
Don't forget to add a title and a signature (may it be real or fabricated)
Deadline is August 31st

Consenting is the rule

I cheat to defeat my opponent
Then I say I never meant
To do him any harm
And I pour on the charm
But seemingly in vain
He won't forgive me for his pain


Cheating
is having the cake
and eating it too
To have the rules
apply to others
But not apply to you

'Being in a relationship' implies some sense of fidelity to one's partner - that's what makes it different from 'sleeping around for kicks'. Unless, of course, both partners opt for an 'open relationship'. If just one does, then that's cheating. But If both partners sleep around, are they both cheating? I say yes. They're breaking the rules the rest of us follow - how dare they? I mean, here we all are, struggling to be faithful, diligently walking the line, feeling guilty if we even think of straying, and there they are, hopping into bed with whomever takes their fancy at the time with total impunity. Is this fair? Why should they have all the fun? If, in fact, they are having more fun than the rest of us. As far as I know, no studies have been conducted on this important topic.

But I digress. Many people would say there can be no cheating in an open relationship, since there's no expectation of sexual fidelity. But for a relationship to mean anything there must be some rules. Even if your partner doesn't mind you sleeping with other people, she might mind it if you went away with other people for weeks on end while leaving her to keep house. You can take it from me. So, long story short, if you don't want to hurt people, you'd better know what the rules are, make sure they're fair to both of you, and then never break them. The trick is to learn just far you can bend them before they break .

- Paul

'I love him, I love them and I love me'

So far, cheating is to me something that would compromise the feeling I have toward my man.

I'm in love.
I'm always in love.
I love the men, the chemistry, their shoulders, the way they wear pants, their muscles, their awkwardness about relationship, the way they like sex, the way they protect, their attitude, their walk, their voices, the way they look at you when you are blooming in spring.

I go away, I am somewhere else for so many months; I am back with me. I am on my own. It's the same for the man. I miss him, soooo much, but I am happy to be back with myself. With myself I go feed on other people, like we all do. It gives us other colours and new eyes. It is a back and forth of energy and those moments are sooo important to me. Cuz really, if the couple brakes, what is left? For sure all those magic memories, mental picture of him in the morning, him with a flower, him being proud of you when you kick his friends ass on a stupid game. All this is still there and will forever and it is all part of a common life, that life we built between the two of us. That person we became by sharing so much. Well, as much as I love that duet being, I need to find myself sometimes and live things on my own, and I do. With my own reasons. If I was to kiss or spend the night in a naked bed with someone who is not my man, well it is my own business. No one need to know because it does not change anything in anyone's life. I still love my man, sooo much.

I love him, I love them and I love me.

-AB

The loyal one

Cheating is, to me, any action that I know would make my partner upset. I've been with my girlfriend for many years and know her in & out. I would be disrespecting her if I knew I was doing something that would upset her. I love her and want to be with her for a long time, so respecting her is a priority.

- W.B.

Issue three

During the months of May and June, we will be talking about the issue of cheating. Many people have expressed interest about this issue and so now is the time to argue about it. We all have different standards and backgrounds, and the idea of fidelity varies greatly from one person to the other. What makes this such a delicate topic is that it is very tightly knit to our values and our ethical ideals. The idea here is not to debate whether one point if vue is better than the other, what we want here is to learn how & why others see fidelity through a different perspective.

So with this said, I ask you today, considering your standards & experience, how would you define cheating on your lover?

careful what you wish for

oh dear
The things we think about, and the things we wish for, secretely fantasies about, they strangely build our lives. I had this fantasy gone weird like experience happen to me the other night, and it brought out this awesome womanness in me that I only play out in my imaginary scenarios. Goes like this

I was on the metro last Monday, going back home after spending the whole day in the sun, with friends, smoking joints and just forgetting about reality. I was feeling profoundly relaxed, open and tired, not really thinking about anything in particular. I walk up to the metro exit and as I'm walking out the door this young guy stops me asks me if I had 2 minutes to give him. I look at him, thinking he's gonna ask for change or go on about the meaning of life, and feeling chilled out as I was I say, 'ya sure'. He looked to me to be around 20, about my size with darkish skin (he later told me was Pakistani). He then says how he followed me out of the metro cuz he thought I was beautiful. I look at him in great suprise and with a smile I say, 'wow thanks'. He then asks me if I want to go for coffee with him, and I answer that I'm exhausted and just want to go home. 'Ok then, can I walk with you a bit?' he says. I didn't really take him seriously, but he looked pretty harmless and I was feeling open to anything, so I just went along with it. As we were walking I told him that he did a courageous thing, that many people think of doing such a thing but never act on it.

We walked a wee bit, said meaningless things about our lives and when I got to the corner of my street I said that we shoud part ways. I wasn't feeling a vibe at all. He then started reaching to hold my hand, so I told him 'What the fuck, I don't even know you dude, we met like 2 minutes ago, things don't work like that in real life.'
That's when things got, hum, kinda funny. He started acting all needy & desperate, saying inappropriate things like, 'awe, your lips, I want to touch them, I hope I kiss them soon'. Here are other weird & super inappropriate things he said to me:
- When is your birthday, I want to buy you an expensive gift.
- I have to see you again, I think I love you.
- You're not wearing a bra, are you?

RAMDOM, and quite fucked. I started treating him like a 5 year old, calling him on the stupid things he was saying and making him apologize for being so inappropriate. I kept telling him that we were in real life and that he's never gonna find a girl if he's such needy asshole. He was getting more & more agressive about his attraction for me, and I was getting tired and annoyed by him, so I made it obvious that he was never gonna be with me and that he had shit to work on.
All this time we were walking around in my neighborhood, and so I told him I would walk him to the end of my street so we could part ways, prepping him mentally for our separation (knowing it was gonna be a pathetically difficult and tedious task for me). So we get to the corner and he starts repeating, 'give me 2 more minutes, 2 more minutes'. I said 'no, no, no'. Then...he fucken grabbed my wrist, tight. I asked him in a comical and nonchalent tone to take his hand the fuck off my wrist. He refused, I then got mad and he let go. I said that what he had done was unacceptable and that he had to leave NOW. He stays there, looking at me like a sad puppy. So I just left and started walking towards my house. I turn around to make sure he's on his way, but he's still at the corner. I then look again later and notice that he's following me. The little fuck was following me! I then go on a rage and start saying loudly 'I can't believe you're following me!', over and over. I demand him to stop and turn around, holding my arm in the air and pointing towards the direction of the metro. He then lowered his head, and started dragging his feet opposite my direction. He kept turning around, and I would stomp my foot and point aggressively towards the metro. I waited till he was out of sight and went home.


I look back now and think to myself that I behaved in a naive manner, that things could of turned quite bad. People I tell this story to also tell me the same thing, how lucky I was nothing happened to me. But really, things didn't get ugly. That when I transport back to the event, I did indeed have 'control' over the situation and I am even proud of my reaction and my behavior and refuse to see this as a naive experience. I knew what I was doing, I knew the risks, and I refused to be afraid. Just because I'm a girl, doesn't mean that I automatically loose all my capabilities to handle potentially dangerous situation, or become defenseless. The power of self-respect and self-awareness can be sensed in any case scenario, whether you're a man or a woman. So I wonder today, in the grand scheme of things, especially as women, what excatly is making us afraid of the opposite sex, or even against it? Is it their socially & historically accepted behavior or just our own fear of not being able to handle them, or of not being honest with them?

Sophie L.

April

Just so you know, the second issue about fantasies will be stretching its way into the month of April. Since there was no submission for March, there will now be 1 new subject/issue every 2 months.

But! I have a question for you today concerning our current topic of fantasies. It's a simple one:

What was your first fantasy?
That one though that you knew wasn't supposed to linger in your brain too long, but that actually took all the space.